Am I funny?

Oh By The Great God Om, that really is a self indulgent title, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing. This is a blog about me and my life so it will, by definition, be self indulgent. If I were a political/social/review blogger I would obviously attempt to keep the self indulgence to a minimum, but I’m not. So there.

Here, have some self indulgent waffle… (Maple Syrup 10p Extra)

Well, am I funny? What am I asking you for? You all have your own opinion on the matter, and so you should. I honestly won’t hold it against you if the answer is no ~ i will ~

[He will too]

{Well I can’t help that can I?}

[Yes you can. You could not ask the question.]

{But the question is not the point of the piece. It’s an opening to the wider question I’m working on.}

[Tell that to him.]

~who?~

[You]

~tell me wot? ‘ere you got 10p? i want sirup~

[What?]

~sirup. you know, for me waffle~

[What waffle? What are you talking about? Where did you get waffles from?]

~’e said it up there. self induglent waffle sirup tenpee extra. so have you got 10p or not? uvawise i gotta break my piggy and i donwanna do that~

[Leave me alone. Strange child. ‘Ere get out of there! Come here you little…]

Well! While they are distracted, shall we get on with the blog? Actually I think I’ll grab a cuppa first. As Dr Cooper says: AFK!

“I go. I come back.”*

Where were we? Oh yeah. Funny; and the question of whether I am… Well let’s put it this way, if I were to place a small-ad would I be justified in adding the classic GSOH? Not to be confused with the slightly more intimate GCH, which should only be admitted after the third date… Unless you have indulged in a protein rich meal on your first date, in which case it will probably become apparent sooner rather than later…

BTW, I would just like to reassure my beautiful, amazing and wonderful Lone Support Angel that I have absolutely no intention of placing a small-ad!!! This is an entirely theoretical exercise. 🙂

No, you see the thing is I try to be witty. I said “Try” didn’t I?! But, like most of my attempts at anything in my life that isn’t sleeping, I’m always in two minds about whether I have been successful in what I have attempted.

[Wow, That didn’t take too long to add a side order of Maudlin Soup. Did it?]

{Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll try to lighten up a bit.}

[OK. Thank you. Oh actually, while you’re here, have you seen your inner child? The little sod has run off with my wallet and packed lunch.]

{No I haven’t, But I will keep an eye out}

Actually, I’m glad he stepped in because I was starting to drift off my original point… Not that you would’ve known because I haven’t actually hinted at the purpose of this piece is yet have I? Well, funny I should say that, because that is part of the point I’m rather slowly working towards…

“[…] if I were to place a small-ad would I be justified in adding the classic GSOH?” No, you’re not imagining that, you did read that earlier, I’ve repeated it because it may stop me getting sidetracked… You see, I can’t work out if being funny is something you can learn or if it is something you are and can, therefore, only ever be enhanced… I’m not talking about having a sense of humour and finding things funny, we all have that to one degree or another…. I’m talking about creating something funny…

I know that you can attend classes for stand up comedy but that doesn’t mean “funny” is something that can be taught. Yes, you can learn to tell gags, you can learn creative writing but if you wish to be successful (however you define success) I would suggest at least a modicum of natural talent needs to exist.

[Where are you going with this?]

{I don’t know…}

[Nice to know. Ladies and Gentlemen, please bare with us while we take a slight detour through Procrastinationville, Pointlessblogburg and Lower Rambling.]

~we going on a train?~

[Come here you little…]

~arrrrggghhhhhh…           ~

Oh if we’re going through Lower Rambling I’ve just got to tell you this… I’ve started painting again. Ah, that’s where I was going…

You see my Amazing Lone Support Angel tells me (and others) that I am talented. She tells me that she enjoys reading my blog and various other pieces I have written. She tells me that I am funny. Similarly she likes my paintings. She says I have talent. But to be honest I don’t see it. Yes, I get excited when I start a new project, whether it be a blog, prose, poetry, painting or even an essay for Uni but after a while it will start to become something other than what I originally envisioned. Whether this is because I loose the thread of what I’m doing and go off on a tangent

[I doubt it’s that. Hahahahahahahaha. Damn, how do you convey sarcasm on this thing?]

or if what I thought I saw in my head isn’t actually what I was “meant” to produce, I don’t know. Do I add the additional voices and the lame gags because I intended to or do they just escape while I’m sat in front of the screen?

It may surprise you to know (though I doubt it because you have read my work before… If you haven’t then I suggest you imbibe a quantity of your favourite mind/mood altering product before attempting any more, you may find it easier to understand – or at least tolerate), {Where was I?}

[Oh Glod, he’s asking us again]

yeah, that was it… (Shocking Revelation Alert) I’ve never had any formal training in any of my creative endeavours. I know, you are shocked. I’ll give you a bit of time to recover. Go get yourself a cuppa, or a smoke, or a litre of vodka, whatever you feel you may need to take it in.

OK…

How’s it going?

Here, breath into this paper bag…

You OK?

… Do you need to lay down?

No? You’re OK?

Wanna continue? Well OK then…

OK so, no formal training in writing or painting… that means everything you are exposing yourself to here is straight from my own head. I know, terrifying isn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I live in a bubble. I do have literary influences… I have enjoyed more than one stand up show… I have even sat and chuckled softly at comedy on screen…

Don’t bother looking, you’ll just have to take my word for it, I have been influenced by some of the funniest people on the planet…

~ere mister can we get the train now please?~

{Yeah, we can… I think we can… But it will have to be another one… This one doesn’t seem to be going anywhere…}

{Oh, is this yours?}

~what?~

{It appears to be a shovel purse and a lizard and earthworm sandwich}

~oh them. no.~

{Well I’m sure somebody must have dropped them. I’ll just leave them here…}

~look. theres our train. can we go now?~

{Yeah, come on then, let’s leave these lovely people to get back to their own lives… Say goodbye}

~bye~

{Do you think I’m funny?}

~i dunno. say sumfing funny~

{Oh forget it…}

~no go on say sumfing funny~

{I said forget it…}

~oh go on say sumfing fu… ~

And as the train leaves the station, the camera pulls back to reveal a small, angry looking man with a bad wig and tartan knees, sat on a bench biting into a sandwich…

Fade to… Well, whatever colour you like, it’s your head I’m invading 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*A Jelly Baby to whoever gets that reference. Answers on a small piece of toasted seagull or similar (or in the comments box if you can’t be adventurous)

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